Caius the Bigger

Okay, this particular kissing request got completely and totally away from me, but it's okay, because it's also the fic that the plurality of you requested not very long ago!

TITLE: In Search of a Handsome Prince
AUTHOR: Caia
REQUEST: Namor and Aquaman's First Kiss, for mississippienne.
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Namor ticks off a witch. Hulk, Rick Jones, and Dr. Strange have to find him a handsome prince.

"Need handsome prince. Hulk not handsome prince. Fish man NEED handsome prince!" The Hulk had Namor cradled remarkably gently in his arms as walked heavily through the streets of New York in the direction of Dr. Strange's sanctum sanctorum.

Rick Jones, beside him, spoke into his Honorary Avengers Reservist Communicard. "Jarvis? There's a problem. No, no, not the Hulk--well, not the Hulk exactly. It's Namor. Yes, we're forming the Defenders again! Well, you see--is Black Panther free? Great! Could you send him over? --well, it's really a long story, but we need a handsome prince, and T'Challa's the only one I know how to get a hold of on short notice. Yes, I know, Namor's a prince too, but he's the one with the problem! Okay, we're heading toward Dr. Strange's sanctum! Can he meet us there? Great!"

Rick put the card back into his pocket. "Don't worry, Hulkie. He'll be all right! I got us a handsome prince."

"Hulk pleased!"

Black Panther showed up right on schedule, just as Rick, whose hands were free and small enough for the door knocker, was preparing to knock on Dr. Strange's door. The Avengers' skycycle settled down on what little space on the doorstep was left, nearly displacing Rick. "Jarvis said you needed me?" He looked quizzically up at Hulk and Namor.

"Handsome prince need to kiss Namor!" said Hulk.

"I...beg your pardon?" asked T'Challa.

"Kiss! Cat prince not understand?"

"Calm down, Hulkie," said Rick. "You see, Black Panther--Namor insulted Agatha Harkness and so she put a spell on him like the one on sleeping beauty. So...we needed a handsome prince and you're the only one I knowthat's not Namor so I called you."

"Oh." Oddly enough, this actually made sense. "I guess we'd better get to it, then."

"Yes! Hulk tired of carrying fish man."

T'Challa closed his eyes and kissed Namor. Rick and Hulk waited expectantly.

Nothing happened.

"Not a handsome prince?" Hulk asked.

"I don't know! Maybe it needs not to be a king!" Rick looked highly distressed.

"I would suggest you ask the Sorceror Supreme before recruiting anyone else to try kissing him," said T'Challa, rather firmly. "I wish you luck in breaking the enchantment." And he was gone.

"Oh my god, I just embarrassed us all in front of the *Black Panther*." Rick Jones put his head into his hands.

"Handsome prince!" Hulk shook his fist in the air, shaking half of Namor in the process. Namor stayed sound asleep.

What with everything, Rick had forgotten to actually *knock on the door*, but the door finally opened anyway and Wong poked his head around it. "Master Hulk, Master Rick! I assume you are here to see Doctor Strange?"

"Yes! We need his help to break a spell."

"Find handsome prince!"

"Very well, gentlemen," said Wong. "Come on in and you may discuss the matter with the master over tea."

Once they were all settled--Wong provided a Hulk-size chair and cup for Hulk, a Rick-size chair and cup for Rick, and a place on the couch for Namor--Dr. Strange finally came into the room. By then the Hulk had subsided--Rick suspected it was the tea--into Bruce Banner, and the chair and cup shrunk to fit.

"Sorry to keep you all waiting, I had to attend to some important matters on the astral plane--by the Vishanti! what has happened to Namor?"

"He caught Agatha Harkness in a bad mood and called her a worn-out hag," Rick explained. Bruce's memories of his time as the Hulk were somewhat hazy.

"She must have been in a bad mood! That's going to be almost impossible to break." Dr. Strange moved back and forth over Namor's body, examining him in various magical and medical ways.

"Apparently we need a handsome prince," said Bruce.

"But not T'Challa." Rick looked depressed.

"No, I'm afraid not. It's not just a prince he needs--it's specifically a prince of *Atlantis*. And Namor's the last of the male bloodline. It's a devillish spell Agatha laid," he said, with something like professional satisfaction.

"So what are we going to do?" Rick put down his tea in frustration.

"Well. We could let him sleep until a new dynasty takes over Atlantis. Or until Namorita has a son. That could be awhile, though."

Bruce and Rick looked at each other. "Well..." said Bruce.

"No, we can't do *that*," said Rick.

"Darn," said Bruce. "I know, I know, I'm one to talk. What do we have to do?"

"It's simple enough. We open up a portal to an alternate universe, where there is an Atlantis with a conscious, living prince."

"Right. Simple!" said Bruce.

"Of course!" said Rick. "How soon can you do that?"

"About a half an hour, with the proper preparations. I won't be able to carry him, though; can the two of you do that between you or will Bruce have to Hulk up again?"

"I think we can manage," said Bruce, hastily.

"Very good."

About a half an hour and a lot of mumbo jumbo later, a gleaming blue doorway stood in the middle of Dr. Strange's living room. Due to the magic of the Sorceror Supreme, none of the water from the other side splashed onto the carpet.

Wong had provided wetsuits for Rick and Bruce. "Do try not to Hulk out when you are wearing this, Master Banner. It will not hold up to the strain."

"Now go!" said Dr. Strange. "The prince you seek should be right in front of you, but don't stay on the other side long. You will run out of oxygen."

"Right!" said Rick. "C'mon!"

They dragged Namor across the carpet and through the portal.

----

Arthur was patrolling his kingdom when three humanoid creatures appeared out of nowhere. He immediately turned to combat the threat--although they didn't look very threatening. More helpless than anything else. To rescue them, then.

Two of them were in full scuba-diving equipment, but didn't seem to be able to swim very well. The third was only wearing a very small bathing suit and appeared to be unconscious.

Stupid surface dwellers. Fortunately Atlantis wasn't very far, and with Aquaman's help, they should make it.

"Is he the prince?" Rick asked. Unfortunately, the scuba gear wasn't equipped with anything to allow Bruce to hear him.

"Is he the prince?" asked Bruce, realizing that Rick couldn't hear him, either.

Arthur, on the other hand, could hear both of them. "I don't know what Prince you are looking for, but I am King Orin of Atlantis."

"You are the prince! Please, we need your help," said Rick, not bothering to wonder why he could communicate with this King Orin; he'd spent too much time in space to worry about the trivialities of communication.

"I'll say. Let me take all three of you to Atlantis before you drown."

"Sounds like a plan," said Bruce.

"But we don't have much time!" said Rick.

It did not, in fact, take much time at all for the four of them to arrive in Atlantis. Both Bruce and Rick stood around to gawk; it was very different from the Atlantis they knew!

"You three are lucky that some parts of this city are open to air breathers. I will take your unconscious friend to the infirmary; you two dry yourselves out and come to the throne room in half an hour."

"No, he's not sick," said Rick.

Arthur raised an eyebrow.

"Well, yes, he is, but it's not an infirmary he needs. We come here because only a Prince of Atlantis can cure his illness."

Arthur looked at them. "Be that as it may. He needs to be examined." He snapped for servants. "Carry this man to the infirmary!" And to Bruce and Rick, "Throne room, half an hour's time, be prepared to give an account of yourselves."

Rick and Bruce looked at each other. "I think that's a prince of Atlantis," said Rick.

"Now we just need to convince him to do the kissing," said Bruce.

"And get home," said Rick. "Hopefully without drowning."

King Orin of Atlantis looked impressively regal on his throne, long hair and bare chest and all. Of course, by Rick and Bruce's impression of Atlantean kings, that made him rather overdressed. They bowed as best they could as they were announced, and King Orin said, "So where do you come from and what brings you here?"

Rick stepped forward; though the junior partner, he was the one with the most skill in diplomacy. "We come from a parallel universe--" Rick hoped that would mean something to this King-- "Your Majesty, in search of an Atlantean prince to break the spell our friend, Namor, is under. A spell which, according to a great sorceror of our world, can only be broken by a Prince of Atlantis."

King Orin tapped one arm--the one that was replaced by a hook-- against the side of the throne. "And how is a Prince of Atlantis supposed to break this spell?"

"With a kiss, Your Majesty."

The King raised both eyebrows. "Quite a story, but--I suppose I have heard stranger ones." He looked towards the elderly man beside him. "Vulko. Is there anything like this in your books?"

"Well, yes, in the Atlantean Chronicles Apocryptha Volume XVII..."

"Very well then. The sooner we get to the infirmery, the sooner we can see if these people are telling the truth and send them on their way."

He strode down the steps of the throne and gestured to Rick and Bruce to follow him. "Truth to tell, something like this has happened to me before. Of course, I was caught in a fairy-tale world at the time and it was a lady I had to kiss! Tell me, is a King enough a prince for your purposes or shall I send for one of my sons? Both of them are outside the city for the moment, so it would cause a bit of a delay."

"I think a King will be sufficient, Your Majesty," said Bruce. "The spell that was to lead us to our prince led us to you, not to either of your sons."

"Very well then." They arrived at the infirmary to discover a whole crowd of doctors and nurses surrounding Namor's bed. "Disperse, all of you!" commanded Arthur.

They parted, reluctantly. "But his anatomy is so unique!" protested the doctor who seemed to be in charge. "Almost like a surface-dweller, almost like an Atlantean, and yet not like either."

Arthur stopped and turned on Bruce and Rick. "Who is this man?"

"He is the King of our world's Atlantis," said Rick. "His father was a man from the surface world. That's probably why his anatomy seems so strange to you--our species of Atlantean might be different from yours."

"Hmm. Well, I suppose that would explain it." Arthur eyed Namor with suspicion, nonetheless.

"I swear," said Rick. "As soon as Namor wakes up, we'll be on our way."

Arthur looked from Rick to Bruce to Namor for one long moment. "Remember that you are in my city, and I rule both people and animals undersea in this world. Do not try to cross me."

"We won't." Rick wished he could be as sure swearing this for Bruce and Namor as he was for himself.

"Very well." Arthur looked around at the gawking medical personnel. "Go away, all of you! Go about your business!"

Wisely refraining from pointing out that their business was, in fact, in the infirmery, they left.

Aquaman bent over and kissed Namor.

The effect was instant. Not only did Namor wake up, but he punched Arthur in the chest, knocking him accross the room. "WHERE AM I! WHO JUST KISSED ME!" Namor exclaimed.

"How dare you attack me in my own kingdom, while I'm trying to help you!" Arthur picked himself up from the floor. "GUARDS!" Simultaneously, he called out with his mind to the fish in the vicinity.

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry," said Rick. "It's okay, Namor, it's okay, we're just trying to help you."

Namor, preoccupied with the man who seemed to be attacking him with a trident, didn't notice anything Rick was saying. Neither did Arthur, preoccupied with his fellow, suddenly NOT unconcious, King of Atlantis.

Meanwhile, the Atlantean guard burst in and attacked Bruce, who immediately Hulked out. All of this activity, plus a whale coming to Arthur's aid, served to burst the seal on the air-breather infirmary, threatening to drown Rick and the Hulk. Rick instinctively crossed his arms, but to no avail, since he no longer possessed the nega-bands and Captain Marvel was long dead.

All in all, it was an excellent time for Dr. Strange to summon the three Defenders back to their proper universe. A few seconds ago, in fact, might have been even better.

The Atlanteans in the infirmary, their targets suddenly vanished, clashed into each other, with several injuries to all sides. It would take days of work to make the infirmary watertight again. Arthur was in a bad mood for a week.

For a superheroic battle, it was much less collateral damage than average.

On the other end of the portal, Dr. Strange's precious rugs were drenched. Wong appeared silently and efficently with large and opulent towels for all involved, and Dr. Strange himself pitched in with drying spells.

In another few hours, Bruce and Namor were calm enough for tea.

"Who was that guy who was kissing me?" Namor finally asked.

"King Orin of Atlantis--uh, from another universe. Not here." Rick clarified.

"Huh. Kinda cute for a usurper. I'd like to fight him for the throne sometime." Namor looked completely nonchalant.

The others looked at each other. "Not in my house," said Dr. Strange and Wong.

"Not with *our* help," said Rick and Bruce.